


A Sue, A Sue, My Kingdom for a...

by Sally M (sallymn)



Category: Blake's 7, Criminal Minds, Stargate SG-1, The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types, The Sentinel
Genre: Crack, Crossover, Gen, Humour, Original Character(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-27
Updated: 2013-07-27
Packaged: 2017-12-21 11:35:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 2,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/899830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sallymn/pseuds/Sally%20M
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I was asked for my Top 5 Mary Sues. This was the result.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Maretseger Suenetnofret of Ma'ahesue, Stargate SG-1

**A Sue, A Sue, My Kingdom for a...**

**Maretseger Suenetnofret of Ma'ahesue, Stargate SG-1**

She is a _good_ Goa'uld, of course, whose slaves, Jaffa, subjects, and the 17-year-old Egyptian princess who has been her host for several thousand years, all love her for her surpassing wisdom, her stern but just... err, justice and her surpassing beauty: she is tall, slender and sylphlike, with floor-length obsidian locks and ageless onyx eyes. 

She defends her kingdom of a hundred planets - each far more beautiful than the Ancient Egypt that was inspired by her peerless home world of Ma'ahesue, and far more advanced than any other in the galaxy, including Earth - against all the System Lords with ease and brilliance (and no bloodshed on _her_ side). 

Of course, when SG1 and SG2 stumble into her world, she refuses to give them technology, but after falling in love with Dr Daniel Jackson she declares Earth to be under her personal protection (far more powerful and respected among the System Lords than the Asgard, of course), and prepares to take him as her Consort and Prince, to live in romantic royal bliss with him in her Palace of Everlasting Light. 

......Unfortunately for her, her evil and ungrateful First Prime is wildly jealous, tries to kill her Prince-Consort-to-Be and his friends. And his formerly careless and undeserving friends/teammates don't properly appreciate her lectures on how undeserving of Daniel they are, how good and noble and pure and selfless and rent by self-doubt and inner pain he is, and decide said Prince-Consort-to-Be is better off back at home fighting proper evil Goa'uld. In the battle, she is shot by both sides trying to protect her beloved and dies... tragically _not_ in her beloved's arms, as he, umm, dies too. 

Oma Desala brings him back - again - but is also jealous of the peerless Maretseger and afraid of the unrivalled power such a brilliant Goa'uld could amass even if briefly ascended. Maretseger's First Prime and Prince-Consort-to-Be make peace over her grave (well, in front of her amazing gold pyramid, the greatest in the entire galaxy) and swear to be friends and allies forever in her name... 

  


Then Daniel woke up, and made a solemn vow NEVER to eat O'Neill's Famous ThreeCheese-n'PickleBurger before bed again. 

  



	2. Maristarre Counnoy, The Sentinel

**Maristarre Counnoy, The Sentinel**

The greatest Sentinel ever born, Maristarre Counnoy possesses not only the usual five senses (she can hear the flutter of dragonfly wings, see a fleck of blood a hundred miles away, feel the texture of near-subatomic space, smell a single rose from all others and across the city, taste an atom of poison in a whole gallon of wine) but also telepathy , superhuman empathy, and several others that no one else has (and which will be blamed as the adventure proceeds and they’re needed), and her spirit animal is no ordinary one, but a pure Firebird. 

A flame-haired, emerald-eyed girl with skin like silk, a rosebud mouth, she has both the deep and pure wisdom of the Ancient Sentinels, and a quirky, funky, modern brilliance all her own. She comes to Cascade to find Blair, whose works on Sentinels she read when studying for her first PhD at seventeen, and who she knows can help her; she quickly bonds with him, instinctively knowing that when her rival (but very inferior) Sentinel Ellison screws up and treats poor persecuted Blair so badly, he'll leave Major crimes and fall in love with her... 

But sad to say, great power can be a great curse: her empathic sense - and her Firebird - works out that the murderer Ellison is after - the case that he is heartlessly ignoring her poor, dearest beloved's inner pain for - is stalking Blair as his next victim (the sort of totally unique and original evil plot no one else could have dreamed up or foreseen, of course) and she selflessly takes the drugged/poisoned food that Blair was about to eat, that would paralyze him so the murderer could kidnap and slowly torture him at leisure... and eats it herself, knowing that Ellison will not believe it _is_ poisoned without proof. But her superior and so-sensitive senses are overwhelmed by the drug... and the sheer horror of eating poisoned (or just plain boiled) tongue... 

  


Megan Connor's eyes snapped open, she shook the last of her afternoon doze away and tried to look busy; sneakily glancing across the bullpen at Blair's oblivious face. Nice fantasy maybe, but she really had to stop mentally muddling those bad but irresistible Harlequins with old case reports. 

Well, either stop or write them down and see if she could make a _fortune_ with them... 


	3. Maeluiadaneth Sulvaethil, Lord of the Rings

**Maeluiadaneth Sulvaethil, Lord of the Rings**

Maeluiadaneth is the most beautiful - if tragically misunderstood - Elven Princess of Middle Earth. With hair that is silver in one light and gold in another, and an ever-shifting rainbow-hued gaze that seems to pierce souls, she is small and seems as delicate as crystal, but in truth is as strong as fierce as the greatest warriors of all time. 

But the truth is, Maeluiadaneth just wants to be a normal (eleven style) girl, with normal (eleven or at least human princess style) girlfriends who love her for her (eleven style) spunkiness, her (eleven style) awesome fashion, her (eleven style) wisecracks and jokes and her (eleven style) awesome angst. And a human Prince boyfriend like Aragorn (only younger) for whom she'd go one better than Arwen and find a way to magically make _him_ live forever so neither of them has to die... 

She fights her way onto the Fellowship, not because she wants glory or fame but because she knows she's the best and is prepared to sacrifice her dream of (eleven style) normal life. Of _course_ , Frodo wants to trust the Ring to her because she alone would be pure and good enough to feel no temptation to turn evil - she doesn't want or need power, though when she gets her Prince, she knows - with her amazing (elven style) foresight that they'll make an awesome King and Queen of Middle Earth. 

It is, of course, mainly due to her skill and bravery and strength and speed and courage that they defeat a Cave-Troll, five Evil Wizards, ten Balrogs, twenty giant Spiders, fifty wargs and a hundred goblins... and as they prepare for the great battle against Sauron himself... 

Sauron knows who his greatest enemy is, is obsessed with her (in love, of course, though she's not about to give up her quest or her Prince), and strikes Maeluiadaneth down outside the Black Gates. The Fellowship gather round to weep over her, but she dies happy knowing that she kept the Evil One's attention while Frodo took the ring to Mount Doom and thanks to her sacrifice, they will win... pity about the Prince, though. 

  


... And then Belladonna Chubb-Baggins woke from her daydream - the dishes still needed washing, as did the floor, the windows and her hobbit-hole's front doorstep - and got back to work. 

  



	4. Avonescence, Blakes 7

**Avonescence, Blakes 7**

Avonescence, who was the amazingly young and successful leader of the Resistance in Sector 3, meets the crew of the Liberator after the Andromendan War and immediately wins them all over... except Avon, who is suspicious of this gorgeous, dynamic, brilliant young woman who the Federation have stated is more dangerous than Blake ever was, and determined not to fall sway to the trust (and deeper emotions that he is not willing to admit to) he is fighting not to give her. Just because her dark, cascading curls and soft voice, her huge, tawny eyes and generous lips , her slim body wrapped in soft green leather, haunt his dreams... 

She joins their crew, proving to be the best fighter, shrewdest tactician, finest pilot, most brilliant intellect, and most winning negotiator they could ask for; swiftly, the Liberator finds rebel worlds falling behind them and combining to force the battered Federation to its knees. Even Vila and Cally agree that they would never have been able to do this with Blake, or without their dearestAvonescence, and cannot understand why Avon is holding out against the friendship and affection - and more, though they don't know it - that she offers him so freely. 

As they get ready for the final battle against what is left of Servalan's fleet, after which Avon and Avonescence will - reluctantly, but gracefully, in the face of the whole Rebel Alliance's please - take up joint roles of new and enlightened Presidents of a new and enlightened Refederation, Avon knows he has lost the fight, and that he loves her, more than he ever loved Anna, more than he loved any woman before. He should have known, when he first heard that name, that she would flawlessly combine, in one beautiful feminine package, the best of himself and of his former - and surely now forgotten - Fearless Leader. 

She looks up at him from her accustomed place on the flight deck - what used to be the command place (though, as she has always allowed, the Liberator _is_ his, or perhaps theirs -? once she is President) and prepares to give the order - 

And he looks down to his console, and Orac is sending a message. 

About a place called Gauda Prime, and a bounty hunter he has found there... 

  


Avon shuddered awake, bolting up in his bed, and looking around wildly for a minute before thumping back onto the pillows with a muttered curse. Another night given to nightmares, and he was so so tired of them. He really had to stop thinking late at night about what could have been, had things gone just a little differently, had he been the one to find Orac and the Liberator after Star One instead of Jenna... 

For now, he lay back and stares at the pictures on the wall of the Mellanby underground home. Tomorrow, he and Dayna would bury her father, whom Servalan killed, and Servalan, who didn't stand a chance against Dayna and the locals, and then they would find a way off this planet. Tomorrow, he would start the search for Blake. 

  



	5. Destinii Draven, Criminal Minds

**Destinii Draven, Criminal Minds**

She is the youngest BAU agent in history, and one of the best; she was mentored by Jason Gideon, Aaron Hotchner _and_ Derek Rossi and will very soon outstrip them all. She has 4 PhDs and an IQ of 210, is a crack shot, a Judo master, totally cool in the face of blood and gore and horror, has an uncanny and unparalleled understanding of the human psyche, and has stood up to worse and more torture and pain in her short time in the job than all her admiring teammates combined. 

She has a sparkling wit, can always see and explain in depth to the others why and what they should be doing and feeling in any crisis; she _understands_ and _empathises,_ with victim and lawgiver alike and even - where the case is tragic and twisted enough - with the poor victimized unsub. 

Destinii is, if course, gorgeous: silver-blonde and blue-eyed, with one of _those_ figures. Being a unique and utterly idiosyncratic personality - one of her hundreds of charms - she dresses even more quirkily than Garcia, sort of like a Fairy Goth, all sparkles and black satin, and it says something for how invaluable she is that the BAU accepts this as just part of who she _is_ , too special to be expected to do the official and dull thing. Naturally, Morgan, Hotchner, Reid, they are all hopelessly in love with her, but she hasn't yet made up her mind... she loves them all for different reasons, but she loves her work, and giving all those vital clue that everyone else misses, with stunning the locals (and her team) with all of the razor-sharp and yet almost lyrical profiles needed, with being the one to _help_ people as only she, Destinii, can. 

Until one of the unsubs, who clearly has no appreciation for brilliance and beauty and empathy and insightfulness and all the qualities that everyone else has always loved Destinii for... simply shoots her dead. 

Her admiring team shed tears, take a few deep breaths... and soldier on, knowing they _will_ be able once more to share the insights, the empathy and the _talking_ among them all... 

  


"And then what happened?" Reid asked, all innocent eyes and trying-not-to-laugh mouth. "Oh, come on, Garcia, tell me!" 

"Like hell I will, sweet thing. Use your imagination. But I will say -" Garcia gave him That Look, the one that always made him blush, "- in _my_ dream, Destinii had a sister or two... just for you." 

  



	6. Sallymarina Moonbeam

**Sallymarina Moonbeam**

... blinked. Twice. Pushing her artfully tumbled (untidy) cinnamon (light brown) hair out from her eyes, with their unique silvery ash (just plain grey) hue, she pursed her delicate (small) mouth and gave profound reflection, far too profound to relate (deeply suspicious thoughts of escaping this) to the matter. 

Finally, she drew her slight (short) but delicately rounded (plump) body to its full (as said, short) height, and spoke in a gentle, contralto tone (clarion cow-bell voice of complaint)... 

"Can't I just be an Authorial Insertion For Comic Relief instead?" 

**\- the end -**

  



End file.
